Ember Laura-Ellen Waving

Ember Laura-Ellen Waving
Waving to mommy and daddy at 13 weeks

Sunday, May 6, 2012

International Bereaved Mothers' Day

You don't say "happy bereaved mothers' day!". There's no hallmark card for it. And you'll be able to hear my gasp of shock around the world if anyone of my extended family or "IRL" non-angel moms say anything about it without prompting.

"Today is International Bereaved Mothers Day! This day was created by us in 2010 and it now falls on the first Sunday of every May.
This special day was created to honour and celebrate mothers who carry some if not all of their children in their hearts rather than their arms.  In our modern day society, mothers who are grieving the death of their babies and children are usually forgotten. The traditional Mothers Day has proven to be an emotionally difficult day for so many mothers around the world.
On this day each year we come together to celebrate our connection, our babies and children and our hope for the future. We look at their ultrasound photos, polish their urns, lay flowers at their graves, visit special places and light candles in their memory." 
-directly from the CarlyMarie ProjectHeal 

Many grieving mothers don't even know this day exists. Not to mention most NON-angel mothers. It's a day for us because of how hard the "normal" Mothers' Day is for us. But what good does it do for the hurting mamas who don't know about it? None. For it to be a comfort, it needs to be known. It's just another way we need to break the idea that stillbirth and infant loss are taboo. Miscarriage is being talked about more but stillbirth and infant loss are still lagging behind in the awareness-arena. Why is that? Whatever the reason, we need to be talking about miscarriage, stillbirth and infant loss more. Despite blogging about Ember and life after her death, some of my friends still didn't realize they could ask about her. Just recently a local friend told me she'd wanted to ask about my Em before but thought that mamas wouldn't want to speak of stillbirth. That's not her fault she didn't know that talking about Ember is like spring water in the desert- precious and rare.

Today for me is also personally hard. Today it's been 22months since Ember died. 22months later and you know what? The pain is still scalding sometimes. It's not as frequent that it feels like I can't breath from missing her but when it hits, it's just as powerful.

What will you do today? If you are a grieving mama, will you light candles? Bring flowers to a grave? How about talk about your lost love and help break the taboo? Feel free to just share this post with friends&relatives if you can't find the words yourself.

If you know a grieving mama, whether her loss was yesterday or two decades ago, whether her baby was 12weeks along or 22 years old, tell her you're thinking of her and her lost child. A hug, flowers or just a simple message saying you remember and care- those are all ways to offer comfort.

Myself, I wish I was doing a balloon release or had flowers to put by Ember's ashes in her urn. But today kind of snuck up on me and I just don't know how to do anything I wish I could w/o the support of those around me.

                      The first time I've shared my Ember's face publicly. I hope you can understand how huge this is for me and be respectfully and kind.