Ember Laura-Ellen Waving

Ember Laura-Ellen Waving
Waving to mommy and daddy at 13 weeks

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Ember's Birthday Is Next Week

It seems ridiculous that a year has passed since my little girl was born and died. Totally crazy to think that she would have taken first steps, said her first words and next week be having her first birthday party. She'll never have that party, or open any presents or eat any cake. Over the last couple months as her birthday has silently but heavily approached, my grief has become quieter and quieter. Not lessened, but it seems words to describe it become stuck in my throat. Like I'm choking on my own longing for her. I've lost the cathartic ability to purge my thoughts with writing, as if my grief has solidified in me. A year ago, I was happily awaiting my daughter's birth. A year ago, labor had not yet even began. A year ago, I wasn't the person I am now.... Bitterer  more anxious, with a heavier heart that will never lighten like it once was. But I'm still Ember's mommy. I carry my first child in my memory instead of my arm's but she's no less my precious little girl for that. An accident in labor didn't change that, a year hasn't, fifty years won't. I am her mommy, and with her younger brother, expected in August or September, I am the mother of TWO not one.

On July 7th 2010 at 2:33pm, Ember Laura-Ellen was born and delivered onto my chest. Oh, how beautiful she was. Short dark fuzzy hair, full red lips, a tiny little nose between fat cheeks, folded soft ears like a butterfly's wing, my long and slender girl. Five pounds, eleven ounces... a weight I'll never forget. Thought nothing will ever be even half as sweet as holding her, a wonderful mommy named Bridget gave me a present well in time for Ember's first birthday.

Just about a month before Ember died, Bridget was having her own pregnancy with her own sweet daughter Molly Christine. She was 34weeks along, just three weeks from full-term when Molly died from cord accident. Molly had a true knot in her cord, and this took her from Bridget on May 29th 2010. The next day Molly was born, small but prefect at 4pounds, 9ounces and Bridget had to go home with the aching empty arms I'd soon feel as well. A high school friend gave her a teddy bear for comfort, a special teddy bear that was weighted. Holding a 4lb, 9ou. teddy bear in her arms, Bridget decided to share this comfort with other moms, of other babies like Molly. She began Molly Bears, which is nearing it's first birthday just like Ember, while Molly Christine should be one year and one month old.

Bridget and Molly Bears gave me a very special present in time for Ember's first birthday several weeks ago, a Molly Bear just for Ember. 

To celebrate Ember's first birthday, I'm asking everyone to just think of her on her birthday. Remember her and that she should be here still. If you'd like to do something else for her birthday, I'd love for you to make a small donation to Molly Bears. While my Em will never have her first party or open her presents, maybe in her 
memory other moms of other babies like Ember, gone and so very missed, will receive some comfort too.


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