Ember Laura-Ellen Waving

Ember Laura-Ellen Waving
Waving to mommy and daddy at 13 weeks

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Missing You For Christmas

Merry 1st Christmas Ember

It's my first white Christmas, and our first "married" Christmas.
Our first Christmas missing her.
It's not Christmas without our little girl. No tree, no wrapped presents or good cheer. A pink candle burned all Christmas eve and day, the only twinkling light. A card, and a so soft new teddy bear wearing a pink Santa hat and a snow white stocking with a pink flower isn't exactly the fare for spoiling a little girl, like Mommy wanted to. And I would have, if she where here.


 



I didn't sleep at all the night before Christmas. Hubby worked 12 hour days both eve and day, so I was alone with my thoughts and missing her. I took pictures of the snow, cuddled my rabbit, and baked and cooked a little, but mostly just was wishing for the REAL Christmas, the one we should have had.

The pain overflowed all of both days, and the weeks leading up to it. Now it's over, done with. Ember's first Christmas ended without so much as a single ho ho. I prayed the snow would stay away, but it came down all day for Christmas, not caring it was just weighing down a mommy's broken heart even more. It would have been so magical for her to have snow for her very first Christmas, a couple minutes of playing in it and watching it come down. Instead, I'm left to imagine it all.

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