You can't see them, but there are snow flurries coming down. This is the view from our front door. In summer it was brillent leafy green, but now the outside matches our hearts. The bleak mourning of nature will revive intself in spring, but will our hearts come back to life too?
If you wonder what an "angel daddy" looks like, here is one. Mine, actually. That bear was given to us right before my delivery, and though I pushed it aside then, since leaving Ember at the hospital, I've slept with it nearly every night. This night, though, Ember's daddy fell asleep first, on the couch and ended up cuddling it.
Sweet little smile, and tired, sad eyes
Cuddled up with me
He's looks so much more content in sleep than I've seen him awake since we sat in the waiting room for my last OB appointment, on July 6th. We sat there together, me squeezing his hand to mush as contractions rolled over me.
Even after he falls asleep, he'll keep holding my hand these days. It's still pain rolling over us, but not the kind that comes with a happy ending.
He was Ember's daddy, her adoring daddy, and always will be. And Ember, and then her death, have just made me love him more.