It's my first white Christmas, and our first "married" Christmas.
Our first Christmas missing her.
It's not Christmas without our little girl. No tree, no wrapped presents or good cheer. A pink candle burned all Christmas eve and day, the only twinkling light. A card, and a so soft new teddy bear wearing a pink Santa hat and a snow white stocking with a pink flower isn't exactly the fare for spoiling a little girl, like Mommy wanted to. And I would have, if she where here.
The pain overflowed all of both days, and the weeks leading up to it. Now it's over, done with. Ember's first Christmas ended without so much as a single ho ho. I prayed the snow would stay away, but it came down all day for Christmas, not caring it was just weighing down a mommy's broken heart even more. It would have been so magical for her to have snow for her very first Christmas, a couple minutes of playing in it and watching it come down. Instead, I'm left to imagine it all.